Your morning cup of neurosis.

I stayed up late last night and read over my old blog entries, and decided I really miss having friends like in high school. The mission is kind of anomalous because you're rarely just 'hanging out' with people of your choosing... it's been almost three years since I've just called somebody up and went out and did something.

Three years... that's crazy. I can't wait to get settled at school and not be in this weird in-between place anymore. Guys like my grandpa can just be alone and do things they like to do, no problem. I need a social life, and Facebook isn't cutting it for me. Cool as it is.

So I go to all the singles stuff that the Church does... I still draw the line at dances, but everything else. I had been optimistic that the return-missionary thing would make it easier to feel normal around Mormons; but if anything it's more complicated. People have expectations about what a mission is supposed to make of a kid, and I always get the feeling that I'm not meeting those expectations. I'm probably just being paranoid.

I'm getting a renewed understanding of what President Hinckley said about the needs of converts... how members of the Church are "more different than we often think we are," etc. and it's difficult for converts to fit in without help. I don't think I've ever connected that to my experience with the Church, but it fits perfectly. I know the gospel is true, and I consider myself to be pretty orthodox... but I still feel like a visiting anthropologist at church.

Here's what I need: I need someone to validate all the weirdness I see, and confirm for me that it is in fact really weird and I'm not crazy for thinking it's weird. And the longer this goes on, the crazier I actually sound. I should go to bed.

--Kevin